on days // off days

electrome thrum

on some days, the sparks simply fly. i can feel the thrum of my electrome, my being imbibed with a crackling drive of manifest destiny. on such days, the thought of trading my life for another is incoherent, no matter how intrepid their adventures or envious their luxury. these are on days.

on other days, it is like my soul has been doused in hours of bangalore traffic. qualia simply feels lackluster, i flit around tasks rather than pursue goals, acts of tending to self as well as purpose feel like chores. trading my life for another’s gains coherence, or at least, swapping timelines to a branching path with a different set/setting. these are off days.

today has felt like an off day and prompted this post - what makes an on vs off day? is it biological - something to do with sleep, or food, or lack of exercise? is it emotional - an absence of a feeling or a disconnect with relationships? is it intellectual - a disconnect with work or dissatisfaction with performance? is it pragmatic - simply a byproduct of circumstances? is it spiritual - a presence/absence of an energy or fulfilment of higher purpose?

this year, most of my days have been on days. something like 130-140 of them, with an odd 10-20 being shades of off. most of these days have been in bommasandra, an objectively ugly place. last year, i feel like i had a higher share of off days, say 50% more, despite getting to travel through 50 cities, many of which were objectively beautiful.

id like to stay on all days. i think part of it is landing routine to have solid days. but i don’t think a solid day is necessarily an on day. there’s a difference there related to purpose. but ill keep that for an on day.